Maybe I'm biased.  After all, I do adore Dr. Drew, but I am loving celebrity rehab.  This is the first time in a long time a reality show actually contains some reality, and it isn't pretty.  The patients really run the gamut from those with pathetically serious conditions like Conaway, to those who are still in denial and ambivalent like Mary Carey.  It really shows the spectrum of personalities addicts can take.

Dr Drew, God bless him, is ridiculously patient.  I wanted to smack Mary Carey and Seth Binzer across the face several times.  Did Mary Carey wander into the wrong place and think it was the set of her next porn film? And I like her..she's a terrific radio guest..but I still wanted to smack her.

So who is going to make it?  I say:

Brigitte Nielson

Alec Baldwin's brother (why is he here..isn't he already sober?)

Jamie Foxworth  (not to be confused with Jamie Foxx)

And..I'll say Conaway makes big progress.  The rest, I think get tossed out.

Your thoughts?

You all know I'm a mega-funk fan. So I simply had to attend the "Truimphant U.S. Return of Sly and the Family Stone" at BB Kings.  I knew it was a crapshoot..I figured there was a high probability it would be a train wreck, but on the slim chance it might be great, I had to go.  Not only that, I made Carmine make a special trip in from LA to go with me.

I'll start by saying, the second show was better. 

Now let me tell you about the first show. It was bewildering madness. I've never seen anything like it.

Sly looks so bizarre. He broke his neck when he fell off a cliff and it healed at a downward angle, so he's always looking at the floor.  He's bald, except for the ridiculous mohawk and he wears oversized, sparkly hoodies that swamp his frame. Dark glasses hide his eyes, but you can tell he's permanently burnt out just from his body language.

He took the stage alone to the deafening, thunderous applause of the sold out crowd, then spent 10 minutes tuning his organ, while the audience just stood around quietly, nervously glancing at each other. He hadn't been at the 5 hour soundcheck with the rest of the band, so he did it on stage.  It was baffling.

Finally the rest of the band came out, 2 originals, one daughter and some new ones. The band is great. Its not as great as the original was in their heyday, but it was a smokin funk band with 2 great singers nonetheless.   But Sly would sing just a few words of each song, then either keep his head buried in his organ, or spin  around and simply watch the band from his seat. There were moments it looked like a Sly and FS tribute, played in honor of Sly, rather than featuring him.  Several times he disappeared off stage, mid song. Sometimes he reappeared in the audience singing, sometimes he just didn't return.  The confused band was constantly looking toward the stage entrance to see when he might be coming back. 

A few moments were amazing.  He sang some songs all the way through, his voice sounded great and the moments were transportive. "Sing a Simple Song" was almost an out of body experience. "If You Want me to Stay" (ha!)  was great.  But those moments paled in comparision to the majority of songs, where he was either watching, barely participating or just missing.

Here's the capper.  About 30 minutes into the performance he walked through the audience like the pied piper (of the demented) singing, while the band smoked on stage.  It took about 5-7 minutes to get all the way through as it was so crowded, and he was great.  He exited the side door singing and never came back.  Just vanished.  The band clearly didn't know what was up. They would start a new song, vamp for a while, stare at the stage door, give up and finish the song with the other singers, (one who is a sly sound alike).  They did this for 5 more songs.  They looked for Sly. No sly. Then the show was over, without Sly. 45 min.

One audience member grabbed the mic and screamed "Get that crackhead back on stage, I paid 100 bucks for my ticket!!".  It was ugly.

I met Sly's manager, (who knew Carmine) and he asked me if I loved the show.(are you on crack too? I thought.) No guile at all, he meant it. Apparantly that's a pretty good showing for Sly.  He told us a wild story about Sly being held hostage in some woman's basement in New Jersey and owing the gov't 18 million dollars when this manager hooked up with him. If I was on the air, it would have made a great story..too long to go into here.

We were told the second show would be better, so we stayed. It was..Sly sang lead almost every song and stayed on stage for 55 whole minutes.  That small feat seemed like a triumph.   It was better than the baffling lunacy of the first show.  But he still wasn't right.

I'm glad I went. I've been doing my Sly imitations at holiday parties and getting a big laugh.

Maxim made a list of the unsexiest women alive.  Rather than risk offending too many celebs it appears that the list only numbers 5 women (way to go out on a limb, Maxim..isn't your sexiest list 100 ?)

I would have put Rosie O'Donnell or Macy Grey near the top, but here they are, in orHere's the full list with comments

Sarah Jessica Parker is #1..congratulations, Butch..you always said her face looked like a shoe.  Can't agree with Madonna, seems her main crime was getting older.  Less sexy than before, sure, but unsexiest? That's too harsh, I say no. Do they want her to keep behaving or dressing like she did in the 80's? Then she'd be a cartoonish joke.  Hard to have it both ways, Maxim.  



5. Britney Spears

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: Filling chicken-grease-stained sweatpants on the cover of every trashy tabloid and gossip blog on the Internet

Why She's Unsexy:

Less than five years ago, Britney had a python wrapped around her

well-toned torso onstage at the VMAs. Since then, she's lost the

ability to perform, but gained two kids, two useless ex-husbands, and

about 23 pounds of Funyun pudge.



4. Madonna

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: On tour, at the Wailing Wall, in the pharmacys menopause aisle

Why She's Unsexy:

After building a personal fortune on Top 40 pornography, Madonna traded

pioneering sexuality for, like other old Jewish women, self-righteous

bellyaching and rapid postnuptial deterioration. Combine a Paris

Hilton; like pet accessorizing fetish only for dirt-poor foreign babies

with a mug that looks Euro-sealed to her skull, and you've got Willem

Dafoe with hot flashes.



3. Sandra Oh

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: Grey' Anatomy

Why She's Unsexy:

The only thing worse than a show about doctors is a show about sappy

chick doctors we're forced to watch or else our girlfriends won't have

sex with us. We're holding Dr. McSkinny, with her cold bedside manner

and boyish figure, personally responsible.



2. Amy Winehouse

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: Onstage, offstage, and in the tabloids after cleaving herself and her husband

Why She's Unsexy: When we first heard this chick boast about her reluctance to go to rehab we thought, Now there"s a girl we can party with!

But upon beholding her openly hemorrhaging translucent skin, rats nest

mane and lashes that look more like surgically attached bats, we were

the ones screaming, "Nooo,



1. Sarah Jessica Parker

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: Sex and the City, Failure to Launch, Honeymoon in Vegas

Why She's Unsexy: How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with "sex" in the title? Pull your skirt down, Secretariat, we'd rather ride Chris Noth.

Add your comments and additions below..please!

Hey you guys, what did you think about the Joe Torre situation?  I was glad old Joe held onto his dignity and walked.  It seemed clear to me that the Yankee organization wanted to fire him,  but thought he was too popular to do so, so they constructed an offer full of insult. ( Leave him twisting in the wind for days? A pay cut? Was that really necessary?)  They were probably high fiving each other as the door closed behind Joe's exit, congratulating themselves that their plan worked out.  The Yankee management thinks they will be better off without Joe in the dugout?? Possible, I suppose but  highly doubtful .  Besides Joe's performance of bringing the team to the post season in all 12 of his seasons, and winning 4 World Series, his ability to juggle the ego's and control the clubhouse makes his skill pack pretty rare. 

Dummies.  This is the club that shelled out 28 Million for big fat Roger Clemens and got 6 wins.

Joe moves on with his dignity and his respect, and he'll likely manage again.

Your thoughts?



Chick

Hey all,

I'm in Italy for 10 days with Captain mustache :).  The site updates may be slow while I"m away.  Back in full force in 10 days. Please check out radiochickchat.com . I don't know this guy, but he put up portions of over 100 different chick shows for download and streaming.

Chick

Have you seen the photo's of boxing great Oscar De La Hoya in fishnets? It seems a Russian stripper Milana Dravnel allegedly took a virtual gallery of pictures of Oscar mincing around in his fishnet bodysuit and stillettos. He's quite fetching!  There are pictures of the Russian beauty in the same bodysuit.  ODLH's camp says they are fake, but photo experts are having trouble spotting definitive proof of photoshopping.   Word is now other women are coming forward with similar pics of ODLH.

Currently ODLH's wife, Puerto Rican singing star Millie Corretjer is pregnant with their second child.

The woman says the photos were taken at the Ritz Carlton in Philadelphia over a year ago.  ODLH was role playing with her. He would call himself "Goldie". (Hey! That's my 81 year old great aunt's name!!)

When you say "russian stripper" to me, I think 'schemer', I certainly think she's coming forward for money, but that doesn't necessarily mean the pics aren't real. She could be cashing in on some real photos that she lucked into.  Is ODLH dumb enough to pose for photos when he's umm..feeling pretty?  Unlikely, unless that's part of the thrill.  Anyway..here's a link to the photos.   Decide for yourself if they are real or fake and post your opinion below.

Britney Spears.  What a hot mess that was on MTV last night. 

I have to admit, her so-called comeback was my favorite part of the show, strictly for the train wreck quality it had.  My first thought when the show opened was "someone please brush this child's hair, her extensions are showing"..but that offense paled in comparison to what was to come.

Here's a tip, don't wear a bikini unless you want viewers to notice the obvious difference between the last time you were on that very stage, and this time.  Christ on a pony, she's 20 lbs thicker, her ass is twice the size it used to be, and she has a paunch.  A paunch!  I know she just popped out a couple of kids, but did she have to wear the skimpiest outfit possible to accentuate it?



It's clear she forgot how to sing, but amazingly she also forgot how to lip-synch.  Sometimes, not even bothering.  And the 'dancing'...there were moments when Britney looked so tentative and confused she looked like she just stepped off the bus in a strange city and didn't know in which direction to go.  Sometimes, she looked like a tourist in heels walking around the 42nd street subway station trying to find her way. Sometimes she danced like your dad at a wedding reception.

Was in my imagination or did it seem at one point, her backup dancers were supposed to lift her up, and didn't or couldn't.

Mostly, she looked terribly unprepared,  uninspired and under-reheased. By the end, even Britney seemed like she knew she just gave an awful performance.  I enjoyed watching the camera cut to 50 Cent.  The look on his face translated to a bemused 'what the fuck!'. 

If you missed it, here's a link to the video.

From Well Hung, formerly known as our Well Hung Confidential source, here is a handy guide to inappropriate bathroom stall hand gestures.  Complete with illustration.  View his photos at www.briannolan.com

For The Republican Party, A Guide to Inappropriate Bathroom Stall Hand Gestures

1) Do not draw lips on fist using red felt tip marker. ( see illustration below)

2) Do not make fist with drawn on lips adjacent to the other hand if it is making an inverted "V" or victory sign (also known as a peace sign albeit inverted. Also do not place thumb between inverted V sign.

3) Do not move fist with drawn on lips back and forth in front of inverted V beneath men's room bathroom stall.

4) Do not move fist with drawn on lips up and down in front of inverted V beneath men's room bathroom stall.

5) Do not squeeze yogurt or mayonnaise between fist bearing drawn on lips after moving fist up and down or back and forth in front of or adjacent to inverted V hand.

Any of the above hand gestures performed beneath a mens room stall divider may be deemed Inappropriate.

 view the photo here.

Butch's wedding was great fun.

The reception was, according to the invitation a "wicked, awesome clambake".  It was set on the water at a Marina in Gloucester, Mass.  The reception was held in a tent by the water.  Dinner was a 1 1/2 pound lobster, a piece of steak, corn on the cob, baked potato. Clams were baking on the grill outside the tent.  It was a wonderful, relaxed, informal fun wedding. 

Jackie looked beautiful, Butch looked happy. 

Our table was me, Carmine, Chuck and his wife Jessica, JC and his wife Mel, and someone I call "the Monkey Boy" and his partner.  The Monkey boy was my intern many years ago in Boston.  He's now a big deal in radio, but it makes me laugh that I knew him from a time when he was filling water bottles with water scooped out of the toilet.  It was a table full of radio people..you can imagine, we never shut up.  The table was buzzing for 4 hours.  JC is tan and looking relaxed.  Unemployment suits him :)

Butch resisted the temptation of telling the DJ what to do.  I think.

Chuck took some pictures, they are posted in the photo section.  Link. 

The actual ceremony was down the street at a small country church.  Very pretty.  However, weddings make me nervous now - just watching someone else do it makes me break out in a cold sweat. Its like leaping off a cliff.  It's definitely not for me.

I conveyed your well wishes from the previous blog.  Actually, I printed them all out and included them with my gift.  I'll let you know when he responds. He's on his honeymoon this week.

Chick

Butch gets married on Aug 18th.

If you have "advice", good wishes, jokes or thoughts to share with Butch (and his lovely bride, Jackie)  post them below. I will include them in my gift to him.  After my 1 1/2 margaritas, I'll even read a few out loud at the reception.

xox

Chick